This is quite tough because I don’t really like discussing this topic. I know love primarily through a literary context.
Love is abstract and manifests in different forms. For instance, you can love your friend, but it’s not the same as loving your partner. There’s no singular definition of love; it’s something that each person defines for themselves.
Love isn’t always positive , for instance, a stalker might claim to “love” the person they’re stalking, but the recipient doesn’t receive it the same way. Just because someone confesses love doesn’t necessarily mean their intentions are pure. The least you can do is pray that the good you do and give will come back to you in a way that makes you feel loved.
Let’s explore the different types of love and how I relate to them:
EROS — Sexual Love
Sexual love, or lust, in its most intense form. It’s typically short-lived and unable to withstand the test of time.
This kind of love fades once physical satisfaction wanes. Yes, the books I read often include sexual content, but the characters usually grow beyond that. EROS cannot survive on its own. It’s like skin or an organ — it needs a skeleton to support it.
PHILIA — Friendship Love
This love exists between friends who, after overcoming obstacles, choose to stay together rather than part ways. Soulmates aren’t limited to romantic partners; you can have soul friends too.
It’s unfortunate that some people never experience a love as genuine as this.
STORGE — Unconditional, Familial Love
While it feels similar to PHILIA, STORGE has deeper emotional roots. It’s often described as the love one should have for their children, but not everyone experiences it naturally.
Even with siblings, you have to nurture this love actively to make it a reality.
If PHILIA fails, STORGE will remain, providing unconditional support.
AGAPE — Selfless, Universal Love
This is the kind of love Christ has for His church — a love without judgment, anger, or negativity. It’s all-encompassing and deeper than PHILIA and STORGE combined.
LUDUS — Playful, Flirtatious Love
This represents the early stages of romantic love — like a crush. It can evolve into EROS or PRAGMA.
It’s not inherently bad, as long as it’s not used manipulatively. A healthy amount of LUDUS keeps the spark alive as long as the people involved are on the same page. None of that jealous rubbish… unless it leads to some satisfying EROS wink wink.
PRAGMA — Committed, Long-Lasting Love
This is the kind of love God wishes for His children to experience on Earth — to find someone, commit, and build a life together.
It includes a strong dose of PHILIA between partners and extends to their children, forming a foundation for STORGE.
It’s a beautiful concept, though I’ve yet to see it fully realized in real life.
PHILAUTIA — Self-Love
This is something I personally struggle with.
It’s a double-edged sword, much like EROS and LUDUS. Self-love is important, but it becomes problematic when it crosses into narcissism.
Everything is about balance.
Final Thoughts
Not one form of love is “good” on its own.
One type of love by itself is like the pig who built his house out of sticks — stronger than straw, but still fragile. But when you combine two or more types, you become like the pig who built his house out of bricks — solid and enduring.
Withstanding any storm, as all participants actively play their roles.
All these definitions are from a textbook perspective. I’ve approached this logically, without much emotional depth.
That may not always be the case, but it’s all I can offer for now.